Thought One: Sometimes it's really hard to be Catholic, but it's harder to choose hate.
I was not raised Catholic; in fact, being a child of the South I grew up with seething anti-Catholic sentiment. However, I had always felt a pull and reverence for the Church. It was only after begging a high school boyfriend to take me to my first mass that I was able to understand how in love with God I could be. Ironic, seeing that I had taught five or six years of Sunday School at a Protestant non-denominational Bible church preceding my conversion.
In this one year I have experienced quite a bit of aggressive and passive anti-Catholic behavior. In that past when I faced general anti-Christian discussions I would become inflamed and in my passion, show anger and disgust for opposing viewpoints. Growing up I was told by the Bible Belt that Catholics were closed-minded, anti-humanity, corrupt, and generally hateful. Thankfully I've found that to be quite the opposite; I've learned to view everyone as a potential saint and a brother or sister in humanity. Does the Church have her issues throughout time? Yes, and we'll be the first ones to admit it--wrapped in the reminder that we are humans seeking God, faltering along the way but growing in grace through humble admission and contrite confession.
Can I answer every question someone throws my way? No. Is that okay? Yes. I'm comforted constantly by this line I heard somewhere about the Church and her sins: "if God did not intend her to be, the Holy Spirit would not have allowed her to continue." That being said, I firmly believe in a contrite and complete admission and redirection of sinful behavior, as do most of my brothers and sisters.
Thought Two: Mary is really awesome (no I don't worship her).
I have found amazing role models through the saints. I mean, I've always looked up to the Biblical heroes, but deep in the traditions and literature of the church I've found people who are just like me throughout time--and made it through! The biggest one being the Blessed Virgin Mary. Brian and I's dating and engagement this go-around have been guided by God through His beautiful first apostle; our first date was on the feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe, he proposed at the Schoenstatt shrine, the Mother Thrice Admirable image keeps following us around... the list goes on and on!
I don't believe in coincidences. I don't believe that Mary is equal or above God. I do believe that God uses all sorts of ways to bring us closer to Him, and I do believe that personally, He likes to use Mary for me. Regular recitation of the Rosary brings me a deeper understanding of Scripture and a calmer spirit, and I am stunned by how much I am able to serve Christ when I am simply obedient and still. After all, it's hard to be selfish when "I am the handmaiden of the Lord" is on repeat in your skull.
Thought Three: Joy rocks!
When I was confirmed, I spent the entire Easter Vigil at Our Lady of Wisdom bouncing in the pew and grinning so hard I thought my face would fall off. The Church has taught me to seek joy in the Lord and His will rather than my own desires through the example of the saints, the Scripture, and the gorgeous architecture bringing more glory to God than to the architects, to name a few things. Depression can be hard, and I'll admit that I'm quite lonely in my final semester, away from my APO brothers and Phi Lamb sisters. But finding a reason to smile every day helps, even if it's just because I think my tiny shrine full of candles and gifts is very pretty.
Brian and I have been to two Pre-Cana meetings now, and I bounced straight through both of them. I think I about talked Fr. Jamie's ear off both times! (Speaking of weddings, we recently visited a church in Austin that may just end up being our "adult" parish and wedding location....) Sometimes I fall into the trap of not giving as much of my day to God as I should, but I find that when I get a rosary or chaplet in or go on a mass/Adoration date with Brian, my heart is filled with a quiet exuberance comparable to nothing in this world.
Thought Four: This universal home is neat.
Brian and I have been on the Bucket List of Faith adventure, as I've posted about here before. In that time, plenty of RCC parishes have been visited and photographed. They all have a unique personality, but each and everyone of them feel more like a cousin than a stranger. Someone who is near and dear to my heart, a long-lost friend with whom conversation easily resumes, a home away from home. I know that wherever I go, mass (and Jesus) will be waiting for me. This especially rings true with my love for the uber-traditional Extraordinary Form of the Mass mixed in; I'm warmed with the knowledge that across the world, Catholics repeat the same solemn holy words of praise no matter their state in life.
Was that rambly? Yes. But I'm too filled with anticipation for my very first Lent as a Catholic (!!!!) to particularly care.
Thanks for reading, and go visit a church of a different denomination or faith this week. Oh, and don't forget to get your ashes in church. ;)
-Maria
